How is it possible that it’s already 2016? I’m a bit in denial that the holiday season has passed us by and we’re back to reality. But alas, here we are, welcoming a new year — a leap year with one entire extra day to enjoy! — and embracing the promise that it brings. Out with the old, in with the new.
2015 was a big year for me — a milestone birthday surrounded by many highs and of course a few lows. If I have to select a theme for the year it would be “right-setting”. What I mean by that is, the consequences of my actions and hard decisions over the past few years kind of came to be, delivering some growing pains along with times of clarity and peace. The choices and decisions I made along the way weren’t always easy, and neither were their consequences. But even in the trying and more painful times, my life kind of found a way to work itself out, or at least figure out a new kind of normal.
With both the great experiences and the more challenging times, I can say I’m cautiously happy and optimistic about where I ended up at the close of 2015. Many elements of my life are clearer and more certain, I am a bit more confident of the path I want to take, and I understand many of the things I need to do to get me to where I want to be.
Now, I just need to make it happen. Famous last words — and challenge accepted.
As I navigated my personal journey, I was — and remain — grateful for the trusted friends who emerged, providing me with the support I needed to forge a path ahead regardless of where my head (mental, emotional and otherwise) might have been. It was terrifying to let my guard down and expose my vulnerabilities, but perhaps living my life with a more transparent honesty and openness is good for me. The weird thing is how unsafe I feel admitting to people when I am struggling or when I need a friend. In recent years, so much of what I’ve gone through has been wrapped in the BIG issues — my brother’s suicide, my divorce, etc. It’s been exhausting for me, and a lot for other people to want to deal with. The truth is, however, that some of the hardest things I’ve faced personally have nothing to do with these kinds of major life events. Just, life. But it’s hard to admit that and not seem like a self-absorbed whiner.
New year’s resolution: release the last fuck that I give about how people perceive me
and/or embrace being a self-absorbed whiner.
Whew. That felt good.
So 2016. I am ready for you and am definitely starting the year at a much stronger place than where I was last year at this time.
2016. Let’s do this.
Amen, sister. The joy of growing older is being able to let go of trying to fit a certain mold of what others’ expect of us. And sometimes, it’s the adding up of life’s little things that weigh us down, more so than the major events. I’m not entirely sure that self-absorbed people know that they are self-absorbed (hence the narcissist radar I’ve developed), so go ahead, whine away!