April, already? Well, we are a quarter of the way through 2013 and it is safe to conclude that I am still a disaster. A certified, walking/eating/sleeping/breathing/flying disaster. So what’s new, right?
Yeah, I know things are never going to be perfect, or even good enough. I will always be behind, I will always feel like I’ve failed. It’s how I’ve always been and <not really all that> old habits die hard.
However, very teeny tiny bits of my life aren’t quite as horrendous and tragic as usual. Slowly, some things are coming together. Very slowly, but surely. I’m getting off of my ass and getting shit done. A sigh of relief or two have occurred.
BUT … (there is always a “but”, isn’t there?) … of course being the (former??) type-A overachieving type, whenever I go through bursts of productivity like I’m doing now, rather than making me feel better in many ways they are making me feel worse. Why did I fall so far behind in the first place? What’s really going on in this head and heart of mine that made me such a schlub? And when did I start speaking Yiddish?
I’m heading to the Caribbean for a long weekend. I need some rest, relaxation and perspective. Something needs to change, and the only person who has the power to recognize what it is and make it happen is … me.