When I gave notice at my job back in December, I knew that the road to establish myself as an independent contractor would potentially be full of challenges. That I would need to make the effort to find business and let my professional contacts know my new status and availability. That fitting in daily shopping/yoga/flying trapeze/pretending to train for a triathlon/happy hours/10 hours of sleep would require significant use of my time management skills. (Did it ever!). That said, from Day 1, I was very clear about one thing: I needed time off.
While a true “vacation” would be lovely (even a Vacation – Life After Normal style), whether or not I leave the greater Washington, D.C. metropolitan area is irrelevant. When I say I need time off, I mean I need TIME OFF from everything. That would mean no work. No email. No running all over town like a headless chicken to take care of countless errands (although I would be more than happy to run all over town to acquire a giant metal chicken. But I digress). I decided two weeks would be the ideal amount of time to stop, collect my breath, decompress, and clear my twisted mental head.
More than seven months later, have these magical two weeks occurred? Hells no. Do I still need them? HELL YES.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the flexibility of my current schedule. But with this flexibility, it usually means that for the most part I work every day. That may mean an hour or two, that may mean all freaking day long, but that mental break, the true rest and relaxation, still eludes me. I am tired.
Of course the ridiculous thing? In all honesty, I could take those two weeks whenever I want. Sure, I would need to give my clients a heads-up and maybe shift around a few appointments, but the person who controls my schedule is me. Me! So what the hell am I waiting for??
I don’t know.
In a recent conversation with my husband, I said that part of me has this ridiculous longing to disappear for a time — head off somewhere on my own, disconnected, where no one knows where I am, to just, well, do whatever. He said, go for it! (I will choose to ignore the fact that he is likely trying to get rid of me and instead admire his support of my mental health).
Hmmm, remind me again what I am waiting for?
Que bonito es no hacer nada … y luego descansar.
How beautiful it is to do nothing … and then to rest (Spanish Proverb)