Enough. I have had enough.
Fine, whatever. The universe wins. I don’t even care anymore and have lost any interest or inclination to fight. I’m resigned to the fact that life is just going to keep throwing shit my way and there is nothing I can do about it.
Sorry to be a downer. That’s not my intention – rather, I’m just trying to be honest and realistic so I can deal accordingly. That’s the ugly truth.
I’ve tried to keep a positive attitude. Take life’s challenges / lessons as they come. Hold out hope for karma and the good that I will certainly experience soon, thanks to my fair share of the not-so-good. But how much can one person take? If the universe derives some sick twisted pleasure of kicking me when I’m down, well then I’ll just stay down. Kick away, bitches.
One foot in front of the other? It’s kind of hard to do when the doctor has ordered me not to put any weight on my leg, to keep it elevated, and to use crutches when I walk. (not that I’m following that advice, but that’s another story).
No, I’m not depressed. No, I’m not dealing with any downward emotional spirals or anything like that. I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of having to deal with yet another ridiculous and unexpected obstacle. To struggle with the same old same old. Forget about admitting to people everything that’s going on in my life — it’s simply pathetic. Surely I must be inviting and even enjoying this drama, right?
Fuck no.
Moving and downsizing apartments (no stress there) … unexpected car repairs … chasing down clients who feel it’s fine to pay me weeks after they were supposed to … injuring my leg while participating in the one thing that lets me feel like I can escape from life for awhile … having the asthma come back with a vengeance (again) and try to be able to type and work even while shaking uncontrollably from the medications … realizing that I’ve been a shitty friend to people given my selfish and self-absorbed nature … trying to train a puppy who refuses to do her business outside … not to mention the whole divorce thing as well as the ups and downs that come with running my business. All of this just in the past week.
And the Bills AND the Steelers lose their opening games? Now that’s just mean.
So I am resigned to the fact that happy endings — short-term and long-term — are not likely. That I should just get used to dealing with crappy situations. That I shouldn’t expect anything else. Hey, then at least I won’t be disappointed, right?
So have your way with me, universe. I’m over it, and I’m over you.
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