While I refuse to do “resolutions” for the new year (or for anything, really), that doesn’t mean that I won’t use the opportunity of a new year to reflect and to think of things I’d like to improve and/or do differently. Not the “never again eat another carbohydrate” sort of nonsense, but to identify areas where I want to refocus. To borrow a Sanskrit term and a yogic tradition, more of a sankalpa — an intention or purpose.
So if I may set an intention for 2014, it is discipline. I want to bring a renewed focus, thoughtfulness, diligence, and commitment to many areas of my life — how I run my business and approach client work, how I train and condition for my athletic endeavors, my writing, and taking care of my health, to name a few.
Let me take a step back. It’s no secret that I’m insanely busy. I do not have a free moment, well, ever. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I don’t. (it’s probably one of the main reasons I’m not really dating right now; most guys-with-potential aren’t too excited when they realize I can only make time to get together once every three weeks, if they’re lucky). Between running my business, conducting current client work, working to line up new clients, teaching at the trapeze school, and pursuing my 500 hour yoga teacher certification (basically yoga grad school), my life is a scramble to move from one requirement to another. It’s exhausting, and I’m constantly scattered and unfocused. My “practices” — practicing flying trapeze and yoga as a student — are the first things to fall victim to my schedule. Clearly I have no social life.
While one may think being so busy requires a tremendous amount of discipline, I’m finding it’s actually the opposite. I’m just moving too quickly, and have realized that I’m rarely truly present in what I’m doing. When I’m teaching, I’m stressing about client work. When I’m doing my client work, I’m panicking about deadlines and quality, not to mention all my other commitments and responsibilities. What did I do in this weekend’s yoga class when I was supposed to be meditating? Drafted a client memo in my head. And I’m always stressing over money.
I’m hoping to approach my intention of discipline not as additional calendar management (because I’m over-scheduled enough as it is), rather more as just being present and focused when I’m attacking each thing on my to-do list. I need multi-task less, and instead tackle each item fully and thoughtfully. Improve my organization so I’m on top of what I need to deliver and the work I need to do for my various endeavors, so I may allow myself to truly take on each thing individually and with a purpose.
I’m not really sure what kind of results I’m expecting … I definitely want to reduce the never-ending sense of panic I feel each day (that is unrelated to my panic disorder). I’d also like to improve the quality of my output – work product, training, etc. Who knows, maybe even reward myself with a little downtime.
So 2014. Discipline, baby. It’s on.