New Year, Neurotic

Happy New Year! (yeah, yeah, I know, we’re more than half way through January. Sue me.). Back to the grind, shaking off the holiday rust, and reflecting on the year that just passed and contemplating the year ahead.

2012 was a very odd year for me. I think in many ways I was suffering from a bit of whiplash: emotional, mental, intellectual. A neurotic mess. I was (am?) really, really tired of having everything be so difficult, feeling like every part of my life was a struggle, working way too hard at things yet having them be nowhere near even mediocre. I don’t mean to sound all whiny, but I couldn’t help but have a few “why me / poor me” moments.

Yes, this coming from the girl who would be the first to tell a friend saying the same thing to get off his or her ass and do something about it. I get it.

So at any rate, I am trying to do something about it. I do feel a bit more energized and focused which is great. I’m still getting shit thrown at me, but at this point I just have to accept it as my normal. It would be just fabulous if time would stop for a week or two so I could catch up on everything, but alas, I don’t think that is going to happen. So in the meantime, I’m setting a few specific and manageable goals, and may even share a few of them to keep me in check.

So overall, how do I feel about the new year? I can’t lie, I feel a bit apprehensive. Tired. Sad, that I feel a bit apprehensive and tired. But also optimistic. I recognize fixing me is going to take a lot of work, a lot of time, and will demand me to be incredibly selfish about it.

But I’m ready.

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