I saw my husband this weekend, the first time in a month — the longest period of time we have been separated since we started dating eight years ago. (Of course, now we’re actually separated, and not just by distance. So, there’s that … )
The whole separation thing is very strange. It means so much … but at the same time, so little. Especially given our situation — we parted on as good of terms as two can part given the circumstances. No one is bitter, no one is angry. We just changed, so therefore we needed to make a change.
It was a bit surreal for me to look over at him while he was here. Of course I had missed him terribly, but it was just like it always had been — only it was different. Making ridiculous small talk during the time we were together in order to avoid speaking about anything real, anything important. Will it be like this forever? Time will tell.
I also struggle with the whole “status” question. Am I married? Technically. Single? Um, technically? Just last week, I had one casual acquaintance say, “oh, I didn’t realize you were married!” while another said, “wait, I thought that you were married?”. The truth is, there really isn’t an answer, I guess.
Right now, I’m just me. For better or for worse.
It’s a loss as you know that requires healing. The positive is you still have feelings of love despite whatever the circumstances are. Time is a friend in challenging circumstances. You will at some point gain recognition of the gifts that came out of this challenge. I wish you happiness, peace and lots of love in your life.