Am I a Quitter? A Failure?

Is it the end of the road? Or just the beginning?

I hate failure. I am super competitive and when people doubt me, I love to prove them wrong. Being content with mediocrity is for wussies. (There. I feel better now that I have that off my chest.)

These sentiments are top of mind for me right now as I struggle with a personal dilemma and attempt to make a decision for which there is (probably) no right or wrong answer. However, regardless of the outcome, I am sure that I will end up being disappointed in myself.

I am thinking of bailing on the triathlon. I’m sorry, I mean the two triathlons that I was foolish enough to sign up for.

I am a wussy.

The reason that I signed up for the triathlon was to give me a reason — a specific goal and program to follow — to start working out again in an attempt to get back into shape. And it is working! I am running and riding my bike regularly, and actually enjoying it.

Swimming is another story. I do not like swimming AT ALL, and have not been able to muster up the motivation to head out to the pool to swim a few laps. The fact that the triathlons are open water swims (gulp) drive me into a panic as I have visions of my lifeless body being dragged up from the bottom of the lake 25 meters from the starting point. Unfortunately, swimming is the first part of the triathlon and there is no way to avoid it.

I realize that many people have things like run a marathon or complete a triathlon on their bucket or “things to do before whatever age” lists. I am not one of these people, so my sense of failure if I drop out of the race will be more in not meeting a goal I set out to accomplish, as opposed to an epic failure in achieving my life’s greatest dreams and ambitions. I got over that nonsense when I trained for a marathon back in 2000. (Why did I sign up for something so ridiculous? Because people said I would never do it. Damn, They were right.) During the 21 mile training run (which I completed, by the way) I injured my IT band and was unable to take part in the marathon a few weeks later. But you know what? I was fine with this because running 26.2 miles is clearly insane. The human body is not built to do that! The fact that I ran 21 miles (all at once, mind you) is more than enough for me. Never, ever again.

To accompany my new sense of fitness adventure these days, I am taking a trapeze class (yes, the flying trapeze, as I hear there are great career opportunities in flying trapeze for women approaching 40), which I love. The thing that has fallen off of my schedule due to lack of time (besides swimming) is yoga. I was really getting into the more advanced classes, and I miss it quite a bit.

I like you.

So, back to my dilemma. Do I bail on the triathlons (failure alert!) and focus on continuing to have a varied approach to exercise and fitness? Or, do I suck it up and get my ass back to the pool? Am I just a pathetic failure, or was the simple act of signing up for the triathlon all of the motivation that I needed to make some positive changes?

Many future failures (365Project, art, music anyone?) to be discussed at a variety of later dates … of that I am sure.


6 Replies to “Am I a Quitter? A Failure?”

  1. Laura, Laura, Laura – First, you are by no means a failure in any shape or form. IF your goal all along was to get in to to shape and do so in a away that keeps you motivated and is fun enough to keep you working, then you should be proud that you have done that. If the triathlon was just a means to an end, so be it — you are there, yo don’t need the triathlon. HOWEVER, if you are bailing on the triathlon out of fear or whatever, then you should think about it. Pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone is where we truly grow and change, not just our bodies but our minds. Just a thought.

    Regardless, you rock and should be proud of what you have already done, and I completely agree on the marathon front. It is truly insane.

  2. For me- I think life is too short to spend time doing things we don’t really want to do. There are so many other things out there to do. And you can still have a big goal, you just change what it is!

  3. It does not sound like you want to do the triathalon at all. That you are actually quite content with knowing you have become more active. It also sounds like you have already made you decision 🙂 And if you miss yoga, I say go back to that!

  4. Pingback: I AM zen, dammit! | LIFE AFTER NORMAL

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