It’s going to be a crazy spring. Why? Because I’m moving!
Unfortunately, that is all I know right now. I don’t know when I’m moving, or where I’m moving to. If I’m staying in D.C., or picking up and heading across the country to start a new life in Seattle.
It’s hard to be in the in-between, yet here I am. Knowing things are going to change but not knowing how or how drastically — and trying to prepare for any situation.
Wait, what? Seattle?
So let me take a step back. First, how do I know that I’m moving? Well, I recently found out that my apartment is going to be demolished and I need to move out this summer. In other words, BOOM.
I’m a big believer in signs from the universe, and let’s be clear — I’ve been very aware for a long time that I am in desperate need of a change. A long time, as in YEARS. But knowing that, and actually making change happen, are two very different (and often conflicting) things.
Earlier this year, my apartment lease was up for renewal and the thought of committing another year or more in D.C. threw me into a bit of a panic attack. I felt trapped, like I needed to do something different but there were too many questions and uncertainties for me to make a firm (and happy/confident) decision.
When I thought about relocating and picking up my life and starting over, while it was both scary and exciting, I also realized it wasn’t the right time. Between work commitments, financial realities and other situations that needed to be addressed, I understood major change was impractical. So I firmly re-committed to D.C. and continuing my life here.
But the universe works in interesting ways. Those situations I needed to deal with, are now managed. The time is right for a change. And suddenly — I’m presented with an opportunity to do something.
So I am heading to Seattle this weekend to truly assess whether or not I could call it home. To look at neighborhoods, check out apartments, meet with friends who are already a part of my support community no matter how far away they currently live.
That’s why Seattle is really the only option for a (self- vs. job-funded) relocation. I have communities of friends already there. Personal friends, work friends, circus friends — it just seems like the right place to target for a major life change.
If I ultimately want to make one, that is.
Staying in D.C. is, of course, an option. Yet when I look at D.C. and ask myself if it feels like “home”, to be honest, I’m not sure. I’ve been here since 2002 (after also living here from 1995-1998). That’s a long time. Friendships have come and gone, relationships and marriages have come and gone … jobs, hobbies, communities, and life has changed — as I have right along with it.
But it’s been a long time since I’ve really felt that my life here is giving me what I need. I’m lost. I’m searching for something, but I don’t quite know what — or where.
Folks, I’m not getting any younger. What am I waiting for? I learned long ago things don’t happen if you sit around and wait for them.