Today … I Am Content.

So, I know I usually use this forum of shameless self-promotion to share my pain, angst, emotional drama and other ups and downs of my crazy life-after-normal journey. But guess what??

Right now, at this moment, I am happy. Content. Full of love.

It’s about fucking time!

Yes, I realize that everyone has good days and bad days. Unfortunately, lately I have felt more down than up. I’m not sure why or how, whether it’s internal or external forces working against me (most likely both). But today, I exhaled. I smiled — and meant it. I am happy.

While I have been working as hard as I can to turn things around, a number of recent events certainly contributed to my refreshed outlook:

  • Fabulous visits from friends whom I don’t see nearly often enough.
  • Re-connecting with old friends as if we never lost touch.
  • Counting down to a long-planned (and MUCH needed) vacation.
  • Receiving an unexpected and incredibly thoughtful gift of kindness from someone I am proud to call a friend.
  • Realizing I don’t have to be strong all the time, and letting others take care of me a little bit.
  • Beginning to get a sense of the direction I want to take my professional life.
  • Digging myself out of a rut to re-focus, re-prioritize and be productive.
  • Seeing, however faintly, the light at the end of a very very very very long tunnel.

As part of my 200 hour yoga teacher training, the instructors encouraged us teachers-in-training to keep a “Gratitude Journal”. Each day, we were to write three things that we are grateful for. Well, my third entry (which was long after the third day) is, “I am grateful for not beating myself up over my lack of commitment to my gratitude journal”. A cop-out, sure. But maybe if I learn to beat myself up a little bit less and be okay with what I can and cannot accomplish, my joy will continue to grow.

And you know what? It’s kind of nice.

Inhale, exhale. Repeat. Smile.


3 Replies to “Today … I Am Content.”

  1. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling good. Everyday is a new day and you never know what that day may bring. And please remember that I am here for you anytime you want to talk.

  2. I found your blog some time ago when I was trying to find comforting words from other people who had lost someone to suicide and have read ever since. I’ve been having difficulties in many areas, both personal and otherwise; your happiness in this post is comforting and made me feel better. Thank you. 🙂

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