Today marks the second anniversary of the day my life changed totally, completely and irreparably. As promised when I wrote “A Letter to My Brother on Day 365,” I am not going to dwell on the negative. Rather, this anniversary marks a significant milestone for me, one where I can actually say that I fulfilled a “new year’s” resolution <insert shock and surprise here>.
As I wrote one year ago today:
So onward I go, having survived Year One (the hardest year, or so they tell me), with a vow to spontaneously travel down a few unbeaten roads moving forward — which as you know is SO unlike me, the scheduler and the planner.
Um, yep. Mission accomplished. Who wouldah thunk it?
I realize that I have written a lot about my transformation — or, spontaneously taking those unbeaten paths — over the past year, to the point of over-sharing, both via this blog as well as on my Facebook page (not a Facebook fan? Shame on you. Become one here). I’ve always said that my life is an open book and I have nothing to hide, which for the most part is true. But I am not looking for sympathy; rather, I feel SO MUCH more comfortable, for whatever reason, being completely honest with myself and others, putting it all out there (the good, the bad and even the ugly).
My college friend, the fabulous Amy, recently had a Facebook status update that sums up my perspective perfectly.
As I grow and learn each year, one thing I have found is that being real and transparent in front of others is the only way for me to live fully. And when I live in the moment without all the cultural drama and expectations of others, no doubt or judgment or false awareness can enter because I’m living so authentically with the light and dark that is encountered daily. It is so freeing!
Amen, sister. I am so happy to be right there with you.
There is a yoga pose that goes by the name “Humble Warrior”. In many ways, this is describing me at this stage of my journey. I strive to be a warrior who can overcome the negative, and inspire with the positive. I will live openly as my true authentic self, with the full understanding that this won’t always be easy, either for myself to do or for others to always accept. But I am also humbled, realizing (to my chagrin) that I cannot do it alone, but that is all right. I have so much love and support, even from the most unexpected sources, to help me get through everything. And I will strive to return the love and support to those who need it as well.
So this humble warrior says thank you, and sends much gratitude, love and affection to so many friends, acquaintances and others who support me every day. Not only stemming from what happened two years ago, but also with every step I have taken since: me taking a risk in quitting my job and starting my own company, venturing into becoming a yoga instructor, flying from the trapeze, separating from my husband, and so many other things.
Together, let’s continue to put one food in front of the other. I trust the momentum to carry us forward.
Hi 🙂 I know you don’t know me, but I was reading the kid-free list on Twitter earlier today and caught this link. Amazingly, it happened to hit me at just the right time–on a day I was confronted with both “the cultural drama and expectations of others” 😛 and a casual and thoughtless reminder of my own brother’s passing. (His was an accident, but still.)
Two years is a real milestone. It doesn’t have the same impact as one, or five. But you did it, and I’m happy that you’ve spun it into the kind of healing in this post. Fight on, humble warrior.
Thanks Kim 🙂 Nice to meet you – I love your and Heather’s blog! I’m another PA-born Leo (Pittsburgh). Here’s to moving forward.
Girl, you are a fighter. You are a strong and determined person. You have gone through so much and you are doing great. Better than I think you know sometimes. I feel like Luke brought us together. Wished I would have known you while he was still with us, but am glad that we know each other now. Stay strong! Keep persevering!
Proud to be your friend and I will always be here for you.