I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know how it happened. I was not aware that the evolution was slowly, but surely, in progress. Sure, I have changed a lot over the past few years, but I thought I was improving with age??
Apparently not. For whatever reason, I recently became painfully aware of the contents of my
lingerie underwear drawer. Not that it used to rival the Agent Provocateur catalog or anything, but somehow, it now holds the most boring, safe and un-sexy undergarments in existence. Bye bye lace; hello cotton. Push up? More like push down and flatten.
God I’m depressed. Today, cotton t-shirt bras and boy shorts; tomorrow, grannie panties (“control briefs,” according to the picture) and Playtex bras.
Holy shit, I need more va-va-voom in my life. This isn’t about naughty lingerie or sex (but don’t get me wrong, that certainly helps!) — it’s about excitement. Passion. Throwing yourself 100 percent into the unknown. Wearing the sexy underwear — even if it’s under sweatpants.
In many ways, I have taken the steps this year to recapture those feelings and a sense of adventure — from my job, to firmly establishing a work/life balance, to increasing my yoga, running and biking, and of course the flying trapeze. But if anything, starting to take these steps has made me realize how much else is lacking. With how much I have changed over the past two years, I really am a different person. What was acceptable before is no longer enough. Sure, the most boring underwear drawer on the planet is but one small part, but for whatever reason, it epitomizes all in my life that (in my opinion) I still need to fix.
I NEED and am longing for adventure, fun, passion and excitement in every aspect of my life. I’m not sure what, if anything is to blame for this sudden realization and dissatisfaction with the norm. Me? Life? The mid-30s? The challenges of marriage? Fear of failure – or the reluctance to take a risk that may not (or may) result in a reward?
It is a bit scary at this phase of my life (I’m no spring chicken) to think about shaking things up so drastically. But if it’s not now, when will it be? I ain’t getting any younger. But I keep going back to what I wrote about in “Anonymous Encouragement” and the Mark Twain quote, that includes:
“So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
It is now time for me to remove the bowlines and sail away. The adventure may be dangerous and have a few mis-steps along the way, but I’m ready. My first stop: the lingerie department at Nordstrom. The anniversary sale starts tomorrow!