Hey there, how’s it going? So listen, I know we’ve been through a lot together over the years: some good (thanks for the flexibility!), some bad (boo, defective sinuses and ridiculous allergies), and some ugly (hello, adolescence). There have been times that I have failed you — and also times when you failed me. But here we are, approaching the new adventures known as “middle age,” and all the joys that accompany it. Yeah, it totally blows, but we’re in it together so let’s make the best of it, ok?
Since we’re being honest, I will admit that I haven’t exactly done a thing over the past several years to get the old heart pumping. I know we’ve both REALLY enjoyed this lack of physical activity too, even if it resulted in a lot less muscle and a lot more flabby parts. Sure, I’m putting better quality fuel into you — no more animal products, yay! — but we’ve watched whatever endurance and athletic ability that ever existed slowly but surely fade away.
But things are different now. I signed up for not one … but two sprint triathlons in 2011. Yes, I am crazy, but don’t worry: my only goal is not to die. Right now, it’s questionable whether or not I can accomplish that goal. This is why I have started training: running, biking and swimming, with the occasional yoga practice and trapeze class thrown in.
I can’t blame you for protesting. And holy shit, you must be really, really angry right now. I can’t think of any other reason why I can barely walk. Why you have stopped my calves from working. Why I am in exquisite, excruciating pain from head to toe. Why I almost fall over when I manage to stand up from a seated position. Why I can barely life my arms. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I get it.
Obviously you are punishing me for going from 0 to 60 overnight, but come on, you know that I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of gal. So work with me please? Let’s try to make this fun! Adventurous! Pain free! Who knows, come August maybe I’ll even update my goal of “Don’t Die” to “Finish in Less Than 24 Hours”.
Oh and by the way — feel free to show your love by giving me flat, defined abs. The kind that look like I live for pilates (even though I don’t do pilates).
Thanks!! You’re the best!