The Mysteries of Time

Time flies. Seriously! Although I find myself with a much lighter workload, I feel like I am busier than ever. I am constantly amazed when I look at the clock to find that it’s 6 or 7 p.m. What fills my time?? I am not reading books or magazines, watching movies, or playing videos games (as I have wanted to do ever since giving my notice back in early December). I am out of bed early (well, before 9 a.m. anyway). I’m doing “stuff” … yet when I think back on it, none of the stuff should fill up an entire day. But it does.

There is something to be said about urgent productivity — when your day is so packed that you get things done simply because they have to be done NOW, and if they are not they never will be, so be fast! efficient! and, well, fast. Perhaps I am stopping to smell the roses a bit more, and therefore not as hurried to get through it all. My sense of panicked urgency is gone, so I am moving at a more leisurely pace.

I know that I am Type A and a bit ADD, so this could possibly be why I am always going going going. The stuff that fills my time these days are things like putting together a proposal here and there, doing some work for current clients, negotiating new contracts, doing our finances, checking email … but for the first time, at a pace that lets me just be. I know that I should be prioritizing down time a bit more and not seeking out more things to do, but you know what? I feel relaxed even through all the busy stuff, and am enjoying the fact that the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach is gone. Maybe it’s all the laundry that’s keeping me so busy — it’s amazing how quickly the dirty clothes add up. Good bye, dry clean only work clothes … hello, cotton blends and sweatpants.

I’ve had a list that I call “shit to do” that I have kept for months, if not longer. This isn’t for things like what I need to pick up at the supermarket, but rather the larger, “someday” projects: organize family photos and make photo albums; go through work papers that I have accumulated over the years; get rid of some of the crap that fills up my many storage bins; SEO-optimize this blog. While I’ve taken baby steps on all of them, I have not yet crossed a single one off of the list.

But you know what? I really am OK with this. I’m not beating myself up. I know I haven’t been a waste of space and have achieved crazy levels of productivity (at least in dealing with the stuff). For once, I am taking the time to exhale.

It is nice — and I am happy.

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